Living with a beast

Dear Pastor,

I am asking you for your fatherly advice. Right now I am living with my child's father. He beat me when I was pregnant and because I had nowhere to go, I had to stay with him. When I was pregnant, he told me not to shower until he comes from work and if I had a shower, he would beat me. If he found my towel was wet he would accuse me of having sex with someone and wash away the evidence.

One day we had a fight and he used one of my son's toys to hit me in the soft part of my knee. It was black and blue for two weeks. Then in another incident we had, we were fighting in the room and it reached the kitchen. I fell on the kitchen floor because he was strangling me for my phone. When I fell on the floor, he started kicking me in my back and I still held on to my phone. So he finally put his foot in my neck and I saw my life flash in front of me. I couldn't breathe, so I let the phone go.

I told you all of that because whenever I tell my family in Jamaica that I am coming home they keep telling me to stay because Jamaica is hard. I know it is hard, but I have nowhere to go and I don't tell them what I am going through. In three years I have lived at eight places because if I don't have sex with him when he wants, he used the rent money to do other things.

start over from scratch

I want to know if I should just go home with my son and start over from scratch or if I should stay and tough it out. Everyone wants to come to America and I want to go home. I would also like to know if I would have legal problems with my son since he was born in America. I don't have a green card, so he could travel but I would not be able to. I await your advice. I am going to do whatever you say.

A.M., New York, USA

Dear A.M.,

When I started to read your letter I could not believe that you were writing from New York. Is it because you do not have permanent status in America why you have allowed this man to abuse you without mercy? This man should be in prison. You should have reported him to the police and have him arrested. And you could have discussed the matter with an immigration lawyer without fear of being deported.

This man is a beast and if you don't take action, he might kill you. I repeat, do not be afraid of deportation. It is unlikely that you would face deportation because you have taken action against this wiggling worm. A good man would not abuse his woman and have her living in fear.

And by the way, there are groups in New York that assist battered women. Open your mouth and ask for help. Jamaican women are known for helping other women. Look in the directory. Look for the addresses of mainline churches such as the Catholic, the Baptist, and the Methodist and tell them about your situation and beg them to give you assistance.

Don't wait until this man hits you again. Start working on your freedom now. Do it quietly and when he feels that he is safe, it will be sudden destruction for him. You don't have to run back to Jamaica. Work your plans in America and go back to school.

Pastor