Keep that little secret

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and got baptised recently. I am very active in my church, but the problem is that one of the men who I used to have sex with while I was in the world has got baptised too and joined the church. From the very day I saw him in church, I became nervous. I realised that I still love him.

This man and I used to have sex almost every week. He used to give me lots of money. I was a teenager at the time. We stopped having sex when he told me that he got a girl pregnant and her parents encouraged him to get married to her. They told him that they could stay at their home until they are able to find their own place. That is the reason why we stopped seeing each other.

Now every time I go to church and I see him, I am falling in love with him all over again. I see his wife and I know she loves him. They seem happy but I am not happy. I keep telling myself I am the person he should have married. I am still not married. I have two children for two different men and both of them are married but they take care of their children.

There is a young man in the church who is interested in me. He doesn't have a good job, but he is a nice man. I am hoping that I will grow to love him. My former boyfriend who is at my church is always very nice to me. Do you think that I should tell him that I still love him?

J.J.

Dear J.J.,

I suggest that you keep this little secret in your heart and never let it be known. What has happened in the past with this man and you is in the past. It is not unnatural for a person to remember his/her 'old time' relationship and to wish that he/she could experience the good times that he/she had. But one has to be very careful what one hopes for and what effect it may cause if one should again get entangled with an old friend.

You are still in love with this man. Let it remain in your heart and not go to your head.

Otherwise, you may do something stupid and live to regret it. Nobody should know that this man and you were intimate friends. It is not their business. But if you were to talk about it, you might embarrass the man and create problems in the church.

Pray about the matter but do not tell him how you feel about him. If you were to tell him that you still love him, he may interpret that as an invitation to renew the friendship and one thing can lead to the other. So pray for him and his wife and that God's will be done in your life.

Pastor