Is Respect From Children Deserved Or Earned?

Emma Dalton-Brown, Gleaner Writer

FROM THE moment we are born, we are taught to respect our elders. We grow up listening to them, obeying them (sometimes), and learning from them. If adults see a child being rude to his or her parents, they will most likely roll their eyes in disgust and either publicly scorn said child, or gossip about it behind the parents' backs! What happens, however, if we see a teenager arguing with her dad, let's say? Should she simply accept his position on an issue, or is it her prerogative to opine what she believes is fair or correct? Are parents always right about everything?

In Japan, they celebrate Keiro no Hi (Respect for the Aged Day), which was declared a national holiday 44 years ago, on the third Monday of September. Families spend time together, young people volunteer to assist the elderly, some activists lobby for the health and welfare of these geriatrics, and tribute is paid to them all. Growing old is considered to be an honour, as you gain wisdom and become a part of what makes the country what it is.

To give you an example of how revered older citizens are in Japan, I'll tell you a story. Some years ago, when my brother was living in Tokyo, my parents went to visit him for a couple weeks. One day, my father went to his office to meet him for lunch. When greeted at the front desk, he told the lady that he was there to see his son, Geoffrey Sharp.

Within seconds, she'd called him and said, "Great honourable father is here to see you, Sharp-San." Can you imagine the glee my Dad felt?

The Spanish culture requires people to courteously address elderly friends as 'don' (male) and 'dona' (female). One wonders if the Jamaican term 'don man' comes from this! If so, should they be held in high regard also? When using 'you', the youth in Spain will not refer to their elders casually as 'tu', but rather the formal and polite term, 'usted'. In English, we make no such differentiation.

If we look at this matter from a religious viewpoint, namely Christianity, Hinduism, Islam and Judaism, we shall find that all four religions, in a nutshell, stress admiration for parents: insisting that we take care of them, speak gently to them, get their permission before doing certain things, and thank them for all they have done for us.

But why must children automatically esteem their parents? What if a mother or father abuses their kid, mentally or physically? Should the child fight back, or allow this bullying to continue? What about teachers, or grandparents? We tend to tell our sons and daughters that they ought to listen to everything these people say to them, and to follow whatever orders they are given. But isn't it possible that this could endanger their lives sometimes, and who they are inside?

What if the teachers, parents, and grandparents, of a particular child, all have different beliefs? Who would one adhere to, or should the child be permitted to think and act autonomously? I've been pontificating about this lately, as I was involved in an incident whereby I stuck to my guns, while dealing with someone considerably my senior. I felt that he was being unfair in his expectations and treatment of me, and said as much. This was surprising to him, but I had no remorse regarding my actions. It got me thinking about my son, how I wanted to raise him to be free to form his own mind and morals, and whether respect for adults should be deserved from children, or earned.