Desperate survivor

Dear Pastor,

I am living a devastated life. I am overwhelmed by my situation. I have been raped on numerous occasions. I was first raped when I was three years old by my cousin, who was in his 20s. The rapes continued. I am scared of living because I am not happy. It is like something is always going to go wrong. I have tried suicide because I hate my life. My family doesn't know anything of my past. I have flashbacks about what has happened to me and they are terrible. I reported it once but nothing came out of it. They sent me to victim support but nothing came out of it. It was meaningless.

my fault

Sometimes I think it was my fault. I have been molested more than six times. I have an infection that won't go away. I wanted to tell my mother so badly, at times, but I was scared. She didn't pay me much attention. I got raped in grade three by my aunt's ex-boyfriend. I got home late that day and, because my mother had a visitor, she didn't even ask me why I was late. My brother's friend used to come over and he would have sex with me every time he came over. I didn't know what to do. My life is a mess. I am only 22.

I take care of a baby girl. She is eight. I have had her since she was two. Her real mother locked her in a house and left her. Her dad is my cousin, who also raped me. He does not support her and I am unemployed. She is the only reason I keep on living. I need your help badly. I am in a state of depression and, because of that, my whole body is in pain. I don't have a dad. He passed away a year ago.

I have tried suicide because I hate my life. My family doesn't know anything of my past. I have flashbacks about what has happened to me and they are terrible.

N. M., Clarendon, Jamaica

Dear N. M.,

You are a champion. God is going to bless you. Think of it. You are taking care of a child fathered by one of the men who raped you. You are, indeed, an outstanding young woman. Although you are struggling now, life will get better for you.

I don't know how far you got in school and, what type of work you can do, but I am going to try very hard to assist you. First, you need to go through therapy. No one who has been abused should go to life without receiving professional help. If you were to receive help, you would function much better day by day.


residence

You did not mention with whom you are living but I hope all is well where you reside. If you are willing to meet with a family counsellor, I will make the arrangement for you, without charge. Kindly let me know what kind of job you can manage and I will do my best to assist you.

Pastor