Thank you for being a source of inspiration over the last years. I have read your column and your thoughts of helping people, and now it is time for me to seek your help. I am 25 years old and I migrated to the United States a few years ago, as I was invited to live with my father. My father and I never had a close relationship, so it was strange living with him. He has never supported anything I wanted to do with my life, as he always felt it was his way or the highway.
no trust
I was molested as a child so my trust for men is non-existent. I met a guy and, after talking to him for a while, I realised I really liked him and wanted to know him better. The problem is my father hates the idea of us going out. He thinks the guy isn't good enough for me and will treat me badly. I never wanted to disrespect my father in any way, but his attitude towards me and others, as well as how he treated me at times, led to a big argument. At this moment I am estranged from my father and this is a result of the relationship with the guy and the argument.
Pastor, I have no doubt that I am in love with this guy but I feel horrible about the way things ended with my father. I didn't want what happened to happen. All I wanted was for him to listen to me and to get to know me. He has always wanted things his own way but I must admit because of everything that happened in the past, I wasn't too welcoming of him either.
Should I try to reach out to my father? This is even though I know I will be slandered on the street for trying. Was I wrong to try and chose a guy for myself?
T. M., USA
Dear T. M.,
Do everything possible to live in peace with your father. He might not like your boyfriend but he should accept your choice. If you are making a mistake, time will tell.
Never fail to call your father to find out how he is doing. Don't forget special days such as birthday, Father's day, Christmas, etc. Always hail him on these days. From time to time, visit him. He may give you the cold shoulder, but, eventuall,y he will be happy you did not abandoned him.